How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
