OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
