I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
