On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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