I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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