Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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