i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
