I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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