My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
