I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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