I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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