I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
