She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just puked most of my soul out..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
