he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
