If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Operation Purity has been aborted
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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