Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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