the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
