So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
