What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
