I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
