I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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