On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
