I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
