my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
