i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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