I'm lost and stupid without you.
I puked a lego.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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