I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
