My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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