i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
