Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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