How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
