Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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