Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
