There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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