just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
These tits shall not be calmed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
