Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found your dick twin last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
