just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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