My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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