dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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