Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
