I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
