yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
