Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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