The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
