she was so not down for the gang bang
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
