you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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