whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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