Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
