I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
