Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
