Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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