Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
