she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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