I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize