I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
