I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
