Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize