i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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