I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
