You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
