so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
