I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
