Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
