Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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