you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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