Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize