it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
