i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
