My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
